A knot formed in the pit of my stomach. I know when hospice is called in, it is bad, but this just tore me up to the point where I am now debating whether I even want to go see her before she passes. I was talking to mom earlier today, talking about how if I could, I would have my wedding now so “Mommee” could be there for it, and she told me, “you haven’t seen her; she cannot open her eyes or communicate.”
I remember when I went to see my other grandma on the day before she died; sedated, unresponsive, eyes closed, her tongue had a greenish pale color to it, I knew she wasn’t doing good and had a gut feeling that she wouldn’t make it. However, instead of remembering just the good times when she looked happy and healthy, a lot of times, that was the image that haunted me even after her passing. I don’t know if I can handle going through that again.
At the same time, I don’t want any “regrets.” So I am so conflicted right now 😦 I wish this wasn’t happening.
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Published by jamiesjourney0591
My name is Jamie Cormier. I am 31 years old and from a small town in Louisiana. I was born 2 months premature and have many disabilities including but not limited to: Marfans Syndrome, Kyphosis/Scoliosis, Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome (had an ablation to correct it), symptoms of Sleep Apnea, Tachycardia, symptoms of IBS, anxiety/depression, etc.
I am currently on pain meds and living with Chronic pain due to multiple broken rods in my spine.
I was in college for a bachelors degree (I was aiming for education-special education, but I want to work with young adults and not necessarily be in the classroom- advocate, so my advisor suggested getting in touch with my connections of different special needs advocates and organizations, and pursue a degree in General Studies instead due to my chronic pain and struggles with Praxis certification).
I love creative writing, spending time with my family and friends, loving on my pets, and trying to enjoy and have fun when I can- even if its just playing with my makeup, games on my ipad, or just watching cartoons/movies. I am pretty immature and can get in touch with my inner kid real easily. I still like dolls, barbies, dress up, etc.
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Jamie's Twisted Journey 