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disability journey: Broken rods – facing my parents and such…

 As we are aware, I had re-broke my spinal fusion rods and was dreading facing my parents about it. This weekend, my parents came in off the truck. As soon as they saw me, Dad asked “what happened to your forehead” because that was the first thing he noticed. “Well, you see, there was a incident in the backyard on the steps. I fell…and re-broke my rods.” They didn’t look happy, but didn’t say anything, later they mellowed out and we joked about it. Then I gave them some candy bars I had bought at the store on Thursday after the incident, before they came in, with the joke to David, “I’ll get their favorite candy bars so when I deliver the bad news about my rods, it will be less of a blow…Like…’look, I got yall favorite candy, oh by the way, my rods are re-broke. Oh just eat your candy bars before you reply.” hahaha. To which I recounted that story to them and they laughed. I am so lucky to have understanding and supportive parents with good senses of humor. 🙂 #Blessed. 

I also sent the Xrays to Dr. Kelly on friday through “snail mail” with post office saying it should be delivered/recieved on monday. So I will call monday to tell his office and hopefully by tuesday or wed, I will have some news on what Dr. Kelly had to say. I also hope I hear from the genetics doctor soon as well. 

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Disability/Scoliosis/EDS Journey: Ended up in ER

 8/12/2020

So earlier today, I had my appointment with my GP who agreed to refer me to an EDS geneticist that I had found in New Orleans- Great news, right? Right. 

later that evening, I was outside helping my fiance’ do some yard work around the backyard and he asked me to go get him some bottled water; should be a simple task, right? Wrong. It ended in me having to go to the ER. 

I went into the house, got the bottle waters(1 for him, 1 for me), and started back out the backdoor: Now our backyard door has a drop about 1-2 ft and then the first step. I don’t know if I missed the step or if my ankles/legs decided to give out; it all happened so fast- All I know is next thing I know, I am losing my balance and falling forward and landing face-first onto the concrete sidewalk. 

Landing forward, should spare my rods right? Hmm. well, I’ll get to that…

When I fell, I hit my legs and knees and felt like I couldn’t stand right away, I busted my head on the concrete and had a big gash and later a knot, scraped up my right wrist, and had landed on my left ring finger that had started to already swell. 

I waited for a little while to see if the headache would subside and I’d feel better. No luck. So we went to the ER. They did a CT Scan (to look at my head to make sure no damage) and a Xray(to look at my rods and back). 

The Drs said the finger wasn’t broken; it was a busted blood vessel and ice and rest should bring down the swelling. The CT revealed no signs of any damage or concussions. However, the Xrays were not as lucky: My rods that I just had fixed almost a year ago, from being broken previously, were broke once again! Now the rods could’ve been broken before this incident- After all, I was still taking pain medication on and off as needed and I had an experience months ago while still in the apartment where i had stood up and it felt like a popping shockwave down my back. The timing just really sucks, so now I have to call Dr. Kelly and tell him the bad news about my rods. I feel like I let everyone down again, but I did everything I was supposed to- I wasn’t straining, I wasn’t bending, I was being cautious,, I didn’t get on inflatables this time and I still end up with broken rods. I wonder if my EDS could be a contributing factor to the rods continually breaking? I suggested it to one of my fellow Scoliosis friends who is in a scoliosis group and said there was a girl who kept breaking her rods and getting infections and was later diagnosed as EDS and ended up having her rods removed, so it could be a contributing factor. Hmmm….I don’t know. Seems like I try to do everything right and then something still f** it up and I am back to being a disappointment. UGh. I hate these voices in my head and feeling like I am mentally unstable. Will things ever get easier? 

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disability Journey: Thought of the day- Medications and side effects…

 thought of the day…8/10/2020

like for real why do medications cause side effects? Like pain meds help with pain but in the same token, you might end up adding in depression, anxiety, mood swings, agitation,etc. (to which I already have some.)

so it’s like okay..do I wanna deal with pain and possibly just cry to the point of wanting suicide…or do I take the pain medication and stop the pain, but end up depressed or miserable and still wanting suicide for a different reason other than pain- because of emotional impulses and acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum? hmmm.

oh and then lets not forget when I am on pain meds but not sleeping, I tend to “go down the rabbit hole” and spiral emotionally- like right now, I am convinced I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

guess the saying is true, “Idle time is the devil’s playground.”

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youtube video: Cover “Unbreakable”-Ali Mcmanus

In the video, I was in the car jamming to my new “theme song” Unbreakable by my good friend, Ali Mcmanus. -video July 17.

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Putting my tiktoks on youtube

just in case we lose the app because of Trumps talks of banning the app. (I really hope Microsoft is able to buy it.) I love some of the videos I made. 

Tiktok is one of the few things that I can do to entertain myself on a pain day. I really hope it doesn’t go away. 

anyway, here is the video . 

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EDS Journey: found a possible doctor??!

so here is the latest development in my EDS journey: I am in several Ehlers Danlos groups on Facebook. And they gave me a few names of geneticists who are listed as pediatrics but also do see adult patients with EDS. So I called the one that was named multiple times to confirm that they still do this and they do and also take Medicaid. So I will give their name to my GP on wed. when I go for a medical checkup so they can refer me. #Amen#GodBless❤ might finally be getting answers .

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Very rough Emotional day

technically it started last night. It was a bad pain night and I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up till 2 in the morning before sleep finally overpowered me.

I slept on and off. Woke up to feed the cats, stayed up a bit, went back to bed and slept again. had joint and head pain most of the day.

Then the icing on the “crap cake” of the day-

poor david just witnessed a “Jamie Disability Meltdown” Adventure

it started with him asking me to put mayo and mustard on his bread for his hotdogs while he was microwaving the hotdogs…so I did it my way, on the plate and just spreading it with butterknife.

David: why you don’t hold a bread in one hand and use the knife to spread with the other hand?

Jamie:(a bit sarcastic/snarky) because if I hold it in one hand, it doesn’t hold flat, ill squeeze/bend my hand and then you will have squished bread..

David: you can’t hold your hand flat?
Jamie: (again, snarky/sarcastic) No, I cant. its called Ehlers Danlos..remember..that thing I have that makes my joints loose and weak.

David: come here. I’ll show you.
Jamie: (getting annoyed and flustered because I been living with this 29 years, does this dude seriously not think I’ve tried multiple ways to do things?) No. *voice starting to shake and fists start to clench*

David: come on Jamie, just try my way.
Jamie: (finally breaks down and flood gates open) David, I’ve had this shit 29 years, I’ve tried every way I can think of. This was the easiest way.

David: okay. okay. I wasn’t teasing you. *trying to hug me*

Jamie: I know. But still, if you had something for all your life and parents who taught you to be as independent to the best of your abilities, you think I’d just give up? no. this was the easiest and most accessible way for me.

David: I didn’t know. I only been with you 3 years. calm down. its okay. i still love you, you’re still beautiful. calm down. you gonna give yourself a headache.

Jamie: *sniffles and trying to calm down* I already had one to begin with.

————————–
hey if he wants to be future husband of someone with a disability, he might as well see all the ugly sides too. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ he wasn’t there for the 2012 episodes-poor mom had those episodes and she didn’t trigger them…she was just in the “crossfire” lol

and then later on another incident involving David happened: we tried to make waffles breakfast for dinner but no cooking spray, so tried to use regular cooking oil, but they stuck and didn’t cooperate so I was put back in that “i can’t do nothing right.” Mood.

I hate days like this where my disability and the side-effects of it, feel like the world is closing in around me and I cant breathe. *sigh* just another day. Things will get better. Tomorrow is another day.

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fun in bay St Louis, Mississippi

A week ago, July 23-24, David and I went to Bay St Louis Mississippi to go hang out with my “hitler of the respiratory department,” friend Marcela Spraul from St Louis, Missouri. 

Marcela and I got close while I was at Shriners Hospital back in 2012. She has become like an older sister/ second mama to me. She called and told me they’d be in Bay St Louis and I immediately googled the directions. It was only 2 hours and 50 minutes from my house, Easy! Way better than the usual 10-12 hours it takes to see her; of course, I am gonna make the trek to go out and see her. 

We had a lot of fun and I enjoyed catching up. and I will be seeing her again in September for my checkup appointment in St Louis. They offered to host us so we don’t have to spend money on hotel- Awww! ❤ 
I love Marcela, even if the beginning of our relationship was a bit rocky! LMAO. 

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My fiance is so crazy silly…Janie got a gun/Jamie’s got a gun

In the car with David, the song “Janie got a gun” comes on.

David while looking at me: yeah, Jamie’s got a gun

Me: I think it’s Janie not Jamie. ( I proceed to Google it and no surprise I was right.) Yep, it’s j.a.n.i.e. not j.a.m.i.e. Janie.

(Continues while laughing) and if I had a gun, what’d I do with it?. I’m too weak to pull a trigger. Throw it like a boomerang?

Lol. 😂😂😂

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Food for thought…..

Food for thought… I had a diagnosis “Scoliosis “ and “Ehlers Danlos syndrome” since infancy. One pediatrician even told mom “you can just look at her and see she isn’t normal.” In reference to me.. a baby. An innocent little baby. Now my parents had 2 choices in raising me:

-Either prove society wrong and that my life had worth, treat me like they would like my older brother (who is “normal”) and raise me to be independent and self sufficient to the best of my abilities…

or

– and I’ve seen this with some families(not all)..give them a “pass”, no expectations of them, no discipline or correcting them. “Oh they have this diagnosis, they don’t understand “…blah blah blah excuse after excuse. “..no boo, they can understand “right and wrong,” but you just don’t wanna go through the “headache “ and time of teaching them. Or worse, you pity them and feel sorry for them;which will “cripple “ and “handicaps” them more. The world is rough and tough, it will not pity them, they need to be prepared.

My parents were tough but fair. I may not got namebrand clothes or expensive shoes, I didn’t get toys or candy every Time I went into store (unless I had my own allowance or money I saved or special occasion/holidays), I didn’t get cell phone till high school (16),I had some chores to do(whatever I could), I was held accountable for my grades and misbehavior. On the flipside, I never did without food, shelter, clothes, I had toys, I was taken on vacations,but there was lots of love and plenty of memories made. That’s wayyy important.

Life isn’t easy for anyone. But it’s up to that person to decide “do I wanna live like this? (Poverty, struggles, victim mentality “poor me,”) or do I pick myself up by my bootstraps and make better for myself.” Its all about perspectives, confidence, determination,and willpower.

Am I saying there aren’t obstacles in life that cause delays and blocks on your life road? No. Absolutely not. Never would I say that. And I’m not saying not to vent or fight for change. But it’s better to lead by example to be the change you wanna see. Be the spark for change; Be a Leader.

Turn to God’s light and goodness and he will bless you. God bless everyone.

Red heart
Two hearts
🙏🏻