There’s been a mutual decision between David Piazza and I after all of us discussing things over with Mom, to push the wedding back another year. So it’ll be may 2021.. we haven’t gotten much done as far as planning and in Catholics churches, need to let church priests know 6 months ahead of event.. That’d be next month, plus we’ll be moving into my parents’ house the beginning of 2020. Plus this way, I’ll be over a year post-op and better able to plan and enjoy it. Sorry for any disappointments but tis life ❤️❤️❤️🤷 we feel this will be better in long run.
Last night, I was on my pain meds and as usual the drugs made me a sappy, hormonal, emotional wreck; especially when all they do is make me tired and don’t actually help my pain, and as tired as I am, I cannot get comfy enough to actually go to sleep- which causes me to become irritable, frustrated, and emotional. Warning: Below, is how I feel on those kinds of days. You’ve been warned.
Don’t get me wrong, I do absolutely love my fiance’ and most of the time I cannot absolutely at all fathom my life without him, but on my really bad pain days when I am cooped up in the house on pain meds and can’t stand my own life, I relate to Zendaya’s lyrics of the song.
He is so positive and confident about us, and I am like that girl (because of my age difference and looking like a kid, and my disability- the “mountains,” and “doors can’t walk through”) and what the world thinks. and just waiting for him to realize that it is hopeless and impossible for us to truly be happy together. I am always thinking “he didn’t sign on for all these issues: Me hurting all the time, me lashing out at him because I am hurting and frustrated; because I’m irritable.. How can I expect him to love me when I don’t even love myself?”
Maybe he’ll teach me a thing or two, or maybe if I have such idle time, pay attention to the negativity.
It’s a lot of self-esteem issues and idle time, pain meds causing depression, being bullied from a very young age (5 years old)- it’s hard to escape the “voices” of my past, but I am working hard on it because I do love him and I know he loves me.
My fiance arrived home from work around 9 p.m. and told me that our carpet entrance to the bedroom was completely saturated. No matter how many times we tried soaking it up with the towel, time passes and it doesn’t dry up, seems like it keeps getting wet. We called the maintenance’s emergency number around 12:20 a.m. And left a message.
It is like completely soaked. Hopefully, we won’t lose our deposit check when we do move out and hopefully, it won’t be too hard of a job if they have to replace the carpet. UGH.
Middle of summer and gonna have to sleep with just the bedroom fan on, No A/C. Gonna sweat our brains out. JOYY! NOT!
Once upon a time, there was a young woman named Jamie. Jamie thought she would die alone because she wasn’t normal; she had many medical disabilities and low self-esteem as a result of being bullied most of her life. She ended up dating a guy with spina bifida who made Jamie realize that love was possible, but she thought it would be with someone with disabilities because they were the only ones who understood that majority of the world was against them. However, Jamie had been raised to be independent and the young man with spina bifida relied and blamed everyone else for his problems, so Jamie, for the sake of her sanity, ended it because she was constantly nagging him and trying to change him, which wasn’t good; she didn’t like the person she was becoming.
Once again, Jamie thought she’d die alone. One day, she decided to muster up courage and see what would happen if she put herself out on the dating sites; and when someone would message “hey beautiful,” she would reply, “are you blind, being sarcastic, or just crazy? I am not beautiful.”
During one of these encounters, a young man from Simmesport, Louisiana; an hour from where Jamie lived, contacted her. They talked via message on the dating site for a while and then he asked her if they could meet. They met face to face, at La Hacienda and it was a good date, however, Jamie was still hesitant and shy; she would check her rearview after the date to make sure he wasn’t following her.
On their “second date,” they went to a production at Opelousas Little Theater; Rocky Horror Picture Show. Neither Jamie nor David had seen the movie and didn’t know what to expect from the show…let’s just say it was Interesting, funny, and a little disturbingly awkward (at least for Jamie, not sure what David thought.)
He took her to meet his family and they instantly fell in love with her; especially his 7 year old Niece, Serenity, which Jamie and David try to include in stuff ocassionally to get her out of the house.
They continued to hang out and soon a love started to blossom. The young man was named David. David made Jamie laugh and smile, and some of her “quick wit come-backs” had returned; something her mom commented that “Jamie had lost over her years.” He was a great cook and baker, like Jamie. He was motivated, and went to church with her (something TJ did not do) . He was most, if not all, the things Jamie had dreamed of when she dreamt of love, but once she realized she was different than other girls, she gave up that dream. She had always thought “if guys only want dream girls with hot bodies, then I am their nightmare.” David changed that point of view somewhat, although Jamie still questions why he is with her when he could have anyone.
Now the question of this journey will be whether David can break Jamie’s shell of low confidence and self-esteem, and make her see her “true beauty,” that he sees in her? Only time will tell or he may never break her out of it completely; a year later and she still questions why he is with her, why he loves her, and she is constantly worried that their future will be bleek and david will have regrets later on. What if she can’t give him children? What if she loses her SSI because they get married? what if his paycheck isn’t enough to support them until she can get her degree and make money herself? Worry, worry, worry, sometimes I wish I could turn my mind off! I love David but when that doubt gets into my head, I push him away because I worry I am not good enough for him. I need to stop and realize Love can conquer much, and doubt is death. Maybe One day I will. When I am not worrying and letting it get in the way of our relationship, the relationship is great fun for the most part. David loves to cook together in the kitchen. Sometimes, he will come up behind me and hug me or sometimes tickle me while I am doing something in the kitchen (cooking-wise or doing dishes or laundry- our washer/dryer is in part of the kitchen.) We play fight, I’ll play-punch him, and he will hold me and hug me, or sometimes pick me up and hang me upside down or over his head (I am terrified of heights) but I never “surrender.” I keep “fighting him.” Other times, we enjoy snuggling on the couch to watch movies together, and play “popcorn catch (which I suck at)” but it is a great excuse to start a popcorn fight (throwing popcorn at each other, which Beignet enjoys cause she gets to eat the popcorn when it hits the floor.) After a year we are still learning each other; our views (that sometimes differ which cause some arguments but we end up “agreeing to disagree” whether it be his patience level with his niece, Beignet sleeping in the bed, politics, religion, etc.), what things he enjoys/what things I enjoy, favorite foods, ideas for our future, etc. Our summer vacation in Hot springs was so much fun and I am glad my parents let me bring him along to our condo. It was a great bonding experience, especially when we went to the superhero and star wars museum! That was fun; dressing up in the Jedi robes and playing with the light sabers, hitting each other with them. HAHA! It is so funny how he was able to get me into star-wars, something TJ tried and failed to do. Guess David just had something a little more special, I don’t know.
One thing that really gets on my nerves though is that I look so young and he looks so much older (even though in truth it is only 6 year gap), people think he is either my dad, my older brother, or worse, a sexual predator; “Aww what a great dad,” “what a sweet older brother,” or “what is that old man doing with that young girl?” It is even worse when my mom is with us, people then think him and my mom are married and I am their daughter. I am tempted to wear a sign or make t-shirts for us that read “I am over 21, he is not my dad nor is he my older brother and he is most definitely not a sexual predator. Mind y’all own business and stay out of mine (maybe add a middle finger for effect Ha ha.)
All I know is I truly am happy with David ¾, (if not more) of the time with him. I can’t see my life without him.
We got engaged in December on Christmas Eve when he proposed to me at my parents house. 🙂 The wedding date is set for May 23, 2020 unless it has to be pushed back due to medical recovery from my surgery.
Not really! I had a infected bump on my foot and he had to pop it with a needle and I am such a wuss about needles and pain (as much as I’ve been in hospitals and drs appointments)! Then afterwards, he had to put peroxide on it and it burned like hell. I know he doesn’t intentionally do it to hurt me, but to keep me healthy because he loves me. Still don’t know where that bump came from or how it got infected?! Oh well.
Another Mystery of my life.
Sometimes I wonder why my fiance stays with me: mean I never wanna cuddle/love on him because I am either hurting or it tickles (I’m really ticklish); I am always on my phone/computer/or tablet(The same things I got annoyed with my ex over- not spending time with me), then I get angry at him for the stupidest shit. Tonight I lost my anger with him over a joke.
We had been “play- bickering” before the “joke,” and I guess I was already a little irritable from that and then he was teasing me because I had deflated my helium balloon from my birthday and had sucked the helium and he said “you already act like you don’t have any brain cells. You killed them all.” That is a trigger for me, because I already feel like I don’t measure up because everyone I graduated from high school with has already gotten multiple degrees or have careers and I just have associates under my belt, struggling to get my bachelors, and I struggle very badly with math; So when he said that I lost it. I got so mad, I threw a can at him, I don’t even remember what the can was, maybe it was canned Air that he uses to spray his computer to dust it- I don’t remember, but he got his feelings hurt and lashed out at me for it and I totally deserved it. We made up now, but still I feel so guilty about It. I mean all he does is try to love and have fun with me, and I take things the wrong way. He cooks for me, he helps me when I am hurting, he even started a go fund me for my surgery. He just says stuff without thinking sometimes He’s human and flawed like all of us, but at heart, he is a good person. I do love him, but my anger, anxiety, and depression get the better of me. I will continue to try to do better in the future, David, and I am so sorry. 😦
It has been 1 year 7 months and 5 days since we got together on October 24,2017. I had just gotten out of a relationship with my ex and you contacted me on that dating site and wanted to meet. It so weird it has only been a year when it feels like longer. We’ve been through thick and thin, fires, turmoils, arguments, my meltdowns, etc. You taught me new things, you brought back some of that old spark I had lost. When our relationship going good, its golden, but when its bad, it’s like two volcanoes in competition of eruptions- gotta love both being stubborn Taurus bulls. LOL
We both love to cook, we both like to laugh, both like theater productions, sure i take some of your jokes the wrong way, and sure I am not into gaming. But you love me despite my disabilities and all; you are supportive, helpful, creative, generous, got a good heart, am I saying you are perfect? No. But neither am I? We are all flawed humans, but we can work together to build each other up and bring out the best in each other.
Happy Birthday, Baby. I love you. ❤
Gonna do a YouTube video(s) with my fiancé (eventually- when I am not hurting or in pain or drugged up on pain meds). Send us any questions or dares or something fun and we’ll answer/do on the video. #truthordare#QandA#fiancetag#bfgftag#jabberjawingwithJamie#youtube
#JabbinJamie #JamieJabs #JamiesJoy #JamiesJoyfulLife #JamiesJourney
Update: didn’t do, due to no one sending questions for us to answer and no “good days” as far as pain goes.
I am already turning into a bridezilla. I am stressing over trying to find a venue that doesn’t have a capacity limit of 300 or less people for a decent price, with a kitchen to use, that allows us to self cater and self- booze. 😦 it is really hard.
Then trying to figure out who to eliminate off the guest list when I feel so close to everyone who ever came in my life. My love runs deep, and it feels like cuts of betrayl towards them when i cant invite them to my wedding day. 😦
Then to top it off, I asked my fiance’ 3 days ago if he had an idea for a first dance song..”no”. so I set out on a quest; a quest to find the perfect first dance song. I spent 3 days and resulted in 2.5 pages of potential songs (Sure, a good portion of them were Disney songs; I am a kid at heart, quit judging!).
Today, I started to play them and 10 seconds into them “no, no,no.” to several of them, and then says he wants “that Bryan Adams Song ‘Everything I do,'” Seriously?! I asked him 3 days ago, I spent 3 days searching! and I loved alot of these songs.
I hate feeling stressed and about to blow up, so I am walking away for now. I will retackle it later after some goodnight sleep.