I’m just got off the phone with Dr. Kelly’s office in St. Louis. They offering two surgeries. One to just revise surgeries. And one to take a bone out of my spinal column area and make me straighter. Longer surgery would be Sept. Smaller surgery would be August.. Longer surgery would give better balance. She’s gonna talk to dr Kelly again.hes out of town right now, so it’ll be sometime next week. Smaller surgery , if I’m not balanced enough, rods could break again. But longer surgery is messing near my spinal column and could paralyze me #decisionsDecisions 🤷♀️🤷♀️🙏🙏 I dunno. I mean id like to be straighter and not risk rods breaking again, but also like being able to walk and stuff. And also don’t wanna risk another trache.
Just got off the phone with Dr. Kelly’s nurse person (dawn). She said that she hasn’t gotten the CT CD in her possession yet, despite that the tracking on USPS said it was delivered Friday. She says not to worry that it doesn’t mean it wasn’t delivered to a wrong spot, she said more than likely it has arrived, but the mail department has to sort through the mail and then bring it to them. She said as soon as she gets it, she will bring it up for Dr. Kelly to look at and then call me ASAP.
Will keep yall posted. If I haven’t heard back by Wed or Thursday, I will call them back again
My go-fund me account. Please share around if you cannot donate. Thanks ❤ https://www.gofundme.com/jamie-has-broken-rods-and-other-problems-occurring?fbclid=IwAR1eoT8HJHiIHSc6bX9Ej31bO0mhl5TIETaFEvpw8iXrHhme23ZlKcbbdWk
After staying up till midnight, then going to bed only to toss for two hours uncomfortably, I came back into the living room while my fiance’ slept. Normally, he’d still be up as well, doing his best to help get me comfortable(sometimes its out of either of our control), but he has to work the rest of the week with a new job he just started so I put on a “brave face” and hid my pain from him.
My wound that I have been dealing for almost 2 years feels a tad swollen and it itches around it. It looks really red in the pictures I take myself, but again I don’t want to say anything to him because knowing him, he will ditch the job to take me to ER or wound care center.
I am also hiding it and not saying anything to Mom, because she is busy with planning a baby shower for her niece Heather. doesn’t have time to worry about little old me and my wound. I know that I need to get it seen about and it could be dangerous, but at the same time, I hate being a burden. 😦 it’d be so much simpler if I wasn’t disabled and didn’t have this stupid wound. I am conflicted and hiding something that could end up being very serious.
I know that once they read this (if they read this,) I will get some sort of lecture, but this is my feelings sometimes; that I am a burden. If it wouldn’t be for my friends and family, I’d probably have “offed” myself years ago during middle school or high school. There are times when doubt creeps in.
1.) With my fiance’: will never have a normal life–they may not have kids, they may be stuck taking care of me the rest of their life, I won’t be able to cater to them like a wife should, etc etc. Why does he love me? Why is he here? He could be with anyone? Why does he want some virgin girl with barely any boobs and a little butt, and short as all heck with disabilities out the wazoo?
2.) My parents: I feel like sometimes I am a disappointment(more with my dad). I don’t know what dreams they had for me (some parents have their kids futures all planned out). I am pretty sure if they had a plan for my future, it wouldn’t have included all these disabilities, dr appointments, and “curve balls of life.”
3.) I am really immature still. I am almost 28 and still love dress up, cartoons/kids shows and movies, the Children’s Museum, riding 4wheelers and go-karts and golf-carts, I love animals and dressing them up in clothes/costumes, I still think about my dolls and my barbies. I can still get “in touch with my inner kid,” easily and my dad “rags me” about it a lot. I don’t watch the news at all- I see enough of it on social media and it depresses me (My fiance’ says I need to “get with reality”- No thanks, if reality is watching the news, then I rather live in my little fantasy bubble. I already know things are messed up and crazy in the world. 😦 #ITrustInGod to fix things. My mom seems to get me the best. She doesn’t mind me being immature. Sure there are times when we see things differently, but she doesn’t rag me on stuff I can’t help; like my “immaturity.” Come to think of it, once I reached age 10, was when Dad started trying to get me to “grow up a little” and Mom always defended me saying “let her be a kid as long as she likes.” (I am sure that’s not her feelings now, but she knows I “adult up” and take care of what needs to get completed.) #BestMomAward
4.) Life has beaten me up and I lost a lot of the fun-loving and creative person I use to be. I am more introverted, self-conscious, anxious in public, feel like I wanna hide when I get stares, or when people are rude/discriminatory towards me or someone disabled, I am ready to throw down and fight. I don’t know. I just don’t feel like my old self. I feel like I need to get back to the essence of who I really am. I need that spark and zest for life, back although it is kinda hard when you living on pain meds and sometimes even that doesn’t help. Maybe once I get these broken rods taken care of, maybe my pain will diminish and I can get some of that joy for life back. One can only hope.
So I have been waiting for orders for a CT scan to be approved for a little over a week, almost 2 weeks through Medicaid. I decided to call to find out what the hold up is.
Took 3 calls back and forth from Medicaid to my GP’s office, but I think I finally got it all straightened out.
1st Medicaid person: we need them to do prior authorization. (Total confusion, I hang up and then clear my head and call again to better explain my situation.)
2nd Medicaid person: shows only 1 CT scan and it shows it been approved. They need to call us with the prior authorization # that was sent back to them.
(Okay, simple enough. I call my Gp’s office): There was another one that needs to be done and the website shows that one is still pending.
Okay..so I call Medicaid a 3rd time: The 2nd order isn’t showing up on their side so I sit on hold while they call the GP’s office and try to get this all straightened out.
I Need these CT orders done so I can get my CT sent to Dr. Kelly and figure out a surgery plan to fix my broken rods and get the f off these pain meds.
Waiting and living on pain meds isn’t a life!!!! Why does Medicaid and health-related issues (billing, etc.) have to be such a freaking headache????
so update on my twisted medical life: I got into see Dr. Kelly at CAM in st Louis for a consult on my broken rod(s) . He trained under Dr. Lenke, so less chances of my back being screwed up. I have an appointment at CAM center at 8 a.m. on March 5, 2019. I will have to pay $150 deposit , and after they charge for xrays, that should make my balance the $200+ mark to get hardship assistance, since they don’t take out of state medicaid. *Positive Vibes*