Pain and food cravings

Back pain= cravings for sweets and cola drinks,

Migraines= cravings for salty foods (cucumbers&tomatoes with lots of salt and ranch dressing, Carrots and ranch dressing, popcorn with lots of butter and salt, baked french fries with lots of salt/Tony Chachere seasonings, or some homemade fried chicken..)

Why can I not crave a balanced, healthy diet where I don’t go to extremes on either side. Where I’m eating just fruits and veggies or eating just junk… Why can’t I crave a meal that incorporates all food groups and varies each day? LMAO… My body is Cray-Cray.

I also need to come up with new recipes to cook/have David cook; I am tired of eating the same old things.

Chocolate Cake for Breakfast and Chronic Pain

Just ate #ChocolateCake for #Breakfast. Now I feel sick. Sugar distracts my #ChronicPain so I can go longer without #PainMeds but its not healthy and I have a risk for #Diabetes since my #Grandmother had it. Hopefully I don’t develop it before I have back surgery to fix my rods and my #ChronicPain.

I am tired of living a life of decisions; pain meds or risking diabetes, Fun and going out or cabin fever and bed but no pain, etc. It isn’t much of a life. Soon, Jamie, Soon!

another sleepless night; chronic pain and tears.

A bad storm passed through Louisiana this week so it has been quite a bit of sleepless nights for me lately and then add in the dreaded once a month bullshit us females have to deal with, adding in stress, anxiety, hormones, emotional roller coaster, all that (sarcastic tone) “fun.” Tonight, I tossed and turned for 2 hours while my fiance’ just lays next to me snoring; sure, I could wake him up and make him suffer with me, but that is selfish plus he works to provide for us, so I guess he needs the sleep more than I do, but it sure would be nice to be able to talk these things out instead of blogging them.

I have a mattress that can elevate the head, it helps with migraines and sometimes my upper back (then I gotta deal with my lower back and hips hurting), but tonight my upper back is hurting and I am not even gonna use the head-elevation because lately it has been making my fiance’ back hurt in the morning; which sent me down the dreaded “rabbit hole” of the uncertainty of a future together: What if I become bed-ridden, what if he has to help me with everything more than he does now? That isn’t what he signed on for! It isn’t fair to him. I know he made a commitment to me and he constantly reminds me of it anytime I start crying and freaking out about how much pain I am in and the fears that sends into me about how uncertain my life and future are; I just don’t want him to have regrets or resentments. I love him, I really do, but when these fears kick in, I go into flight mode and tend to push him away, thinking I am saving him from being stuck in a sucky future with me and my damn disability. How can I expect him to accept it and what it does to me, if I cant even accept it completely myself?

If there was a pill created to make me “normal,” like everyone else in society, I would take it! Even though I also feel like having my disability has made me a well-rounded, wise, empathetic, compassionate, supportive, loyal, passionate person. Does it make me a bad person? Why is it I can be a support system and cheerleader for others with disabilities but yet I cant even accept myself completely? Does it make me a hypocrite? Maybe its just the pain talking; well the pain and the damn devil. I need to really work on myself and loving myself for me; whole-y and completely. Maybe after my surgery to fix my rods, maybe my pain will be better, and I can start being happy again. One can only hope.

A body like a rollercoaster poem-(old piece)

A Body Like a RollerCoaster:

               A body likes a rollercoaster

Lots of twists and turns,

A winding track,

Many different options to explore,

Many different twists of the curves,

Twisting one way,

 going up a giant incline,

Slowly climbing up, up, up, to the very top,

It can be quite a tiring experience; that long trek

Then the scary part, the drop!

You drop down,

going faster and faster,

gaining speed as you drop down the tracks

Another twist in the tracks,

 then a loop upside down,

You start screaming!

               With lots of ups and downs,

“Bumps, stumbles, and falls,”

“bruises and scars,”

Not just physically,

The “rider” (patient) can also be traumatically scarred too,

Turning life upside down,

Like loops on a rollercoaster,

Making the victim,

The patient, plagued with this disorder

The limiting disability known as Scoliosis,

 scream and cry,

tired and emotionally drained,

“Let me off now,

Before I die.”

The last week-Stomach problems-May 2019

The last week or so, I been having stomach problems. First, my fiance’ niece was over here and any change in routine and my stomach routine goes out of wack (constipation). I was hurting more in my back and hips, lots of belching, bloating, nausea, decreased appetite, and gas; so I thought maybe it was due to constipation, however, once I did get back on my bathroom routine, I still had problems continue.

when I am hungry, I get nauseated, and once I eat, it chills out for a little while, unless I overeat, and then nausea comes back. I still have decreased appetite, craving more sweets, still belching a lot, still got a lot of bloating and gas, and at least my pain in my back and hips has returned to its normal-pain levels.

Yesterday and Today, it was BBQ lunch I had yesterday and then I also had red velvet cake today, so my stomach is really hurting and gurgling 😥

August cannot come fast enough. I think that is a lot of my issues- the broken rods, my Kyphosis getting worse again, putting pressure on my tummy. 😦

Latest in my “twisted Tales” Journey-May 2019

I received a letter in mail today from St Louis. No info about if I was approved for hardship assistance/Financial Assistance, probably will call about that, but the letter was to confirm my pre-op appointments. justin case, please pass around my gofundme page https://www.gofundme.com/jamie-has-broken-rods-and-other-problems-occurring

Tuesday July 16 at 10:45 a.m., I will have a meet with Dr. Kelly to discuss surgery and sign my consent paperwork. Also on July 16, at 1 p.m. I will be meeting with the Anesthesia Department to have my pre-op testing completed.

It’s getting more real! August is gonna come so quickly!!!

In other news, we have David’s niece, “Sky-baby,” for the week and also its the apartment complex’s resident appreciation week. We had ice cream and waffles today, tomorrow is trivia and Pizza, Wed. is breakfast in the morning while supplies lasts.  Thursday they are gonna pick up our trash from patios in the morning and afternoon they offering free car washes. Friday is the crawfish boil! I’m so excited to enjoy these events and even more we get to share these fun experiences with “Sky” ❤ we also gonna try to go treat her to Cajun Heartland State fair at Cajundome or we could go to Children’s museum, Girard park, a movie at theater, go show her the turtles and alligators at Cypress Lake at ULL; There is also the option of Go Kart Ranch or Bowling<3 And she loves swimming. 🙂 So just swimming and me doing spa-makeup and dress up, and board games with her, she already has fun 🙂

#AuntJamieandNieceBondingTime #ShelovesmeMorethanherUncle #ImtheFavorite LMAO. I love my future niece and she loves me. She doesn’t notice or care that I have a disability; all she sees is someone who likes to have fun and entertain her and isn’t as impatient with her as her uncle is. She sees someone who doesn’t mind acting like a child but will adult when they need to. ❤

the “latest and not so greatest”- May 2019

the latest update from my Scoliosis Journey: St Louis (Dr. Kelly’s office) called. He still bouncing around about the simpler (just fixing surgery) or the bigger surgery. I told them Dr. Lenke said he was gonna talk to dr kelly and how he (Dr. Lenke) suggested the smaller surgery. Apparently, he hadn’t talked to him yet, or the nurses weren’t updated. 🤷‍♀️The nurse made a note and said if we do the smaller surgery, the date she has is Aug. 14(two days before the anniversary of my surgery in 2012) and the pre-op appointment would be July 16. They want me to do a pulmonary Function Test (I am having them fax the orders to my gp- because my Respiratory Doctor said and I quote “didn’t see it as a necessity” because more than likely they would “do one before surgery,” and I “have my CPAP machine this time.” 🙄
in other news, I went to a pain management appointment on Monday, April 29. It was okay aside from spending all day there. It was just a consult. Typical dr. appointment- xrays, weight, and height, looked at my back, tested my reflexes, all that boring medical stuff. lol. I go back on May 28.
Also, Still fighting with that stupid wound on my incision- it opens, almost fully closes, then reopens. It’s oozing bad the last few days, going to wound care today at 1. The wound probably will keep giving me issues until I get the rods fixed. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️