peeks into my life dealing with everyday life and obstacles as well as obstacles of dealing with disabilities and accessibility obstacles, Chronic Pain due to broken spinal rods, living on pain medications, dealing with anxiety/depression, experiencing the newness of love, and fighting for my right to live and love my life in an ableist society.
I was able to read my “writing” I did for Mommie on the day I found out she died, today; however, toward the ending, I got choked up, and quickly finished, and ran out the room before the water-works started. I had a huge knot in my stomach all day and could barely eat: I forced myself to eat a little bit though to just not get sick. At the church, Mom wrote and read a beautiful eulogy- I know where I got my writing talent from. It described my Mommie perfectly. It was at the same church and cemetry my Poppee- grandpa is buried.
In happier news, David and I like the church for our wedding in year 2021 (if all goes well with my surgery and recovery). Today was a hard memory in that church, time to add in a happy one 🙂 Plus, this way, Mommee and Poppee’s spirit don’t have to travel too far to be in that church when I walk down that aisle. 🙂 Another funny thing, my aunt Jan grabbed my fiance’ by the collar and basically threatened him, “If you hurt Jamie, you deal with me!” I think he knows if he ever hurts me, he’s gonna have a huge angry mob after him! LMAO.
My grandmother, Ruby “mommie” Cormier died on Sunday, June 9, 2019; one day before her 89th birthday. I took it hard at first because I had been wanting to do a Youtube tag video with her, but I kept hurting a lot and couldn’t get out there to do it with her, and now I can’t do it because she is gone. I was also upset, because I had always planned for her to be present at my future wedding, when I got all my college degrees, to see me start my own career and chase my dreams, and maybe even eventually see me start a family; well now, she won’t be around for any of those events, not physically anyway. I came to realize though, she is in a better place, she is no longer hurting or suffering from dementia or diabetes. She could truly start living a fun life again.
Yesterday, Monday, June 10, 2019, in honor of her birthday, a lot of the family went out to eat at Pizza Village (one place she loved to eat), Mom made a chocolate cake, and we shared lots of memories, laughter, and of course cake. We even sang “Happy Birthday,” and the other patrons of the restaurant probably thought we were a bunch of weirdos. The younger kids, her great-grand kids, wanted to do a balloon release and so we “sent the balloons up to heaven.”
Today, Tuesday, June 11, 2019, the “wake,” at the funeral home was from 4-8 pm. with a rosary at 5 p.m. It really wasn’t that hard on me today; sure, I got a little choked up during the rosary, but other than that, Again, we shared lots of memories and laughter between families and friends. My younger cousin, Hadley, (4 years old) kept “arresting” my dad and putting him in “han-cuffs.” Adorable kids are always a good distraction from the pain of grieving.
Me: Hadley, you arresting uncle ronald? HK: Uh-huh Me: you know thats my dad, right? HK: *Looked worried I was gonna tell her to leave him alone* Me: Good Job, Get him. Give me high-five! she just giggled and gave me “five” (She’s definitely come a long way since Easter two years ago when she would run away from me! lol)
More than likely tomorrow will be the real challenge when they close that casket and we have to leave her. I am gonna try to read what I wrote the other day in dedication to her when she first died…I might get choked up but I will try to do it.
I found an angel pin that I put on her to be buried with, and a picture of me, her, and david from Christmas 2017 when David and I first started dating. Also being buried is a toy cat that supposed to represent “Socks” (her cat she had before she went in the nursing home), and some pictures of her, Hadley, and Hadley’s older brother “Braylon”. Those kids are young, but I hope they know how much their great-grandmother loved them as much as they loved her. <3<3
anyway, good night. Thoughts and prayers with the family for tomorrow is appreciated.