“Inner Struggles” Poem

Look into my eyes, 

can you see my soul? 

the dream I hold inside;

Longing to be accepted,

for everything I am,

All I Believe and hold dear,

and no longer have this burder,

the side of me that I hide, 

Longing for release and freedom, 

and my dreams to take flight. 

The girl longing to break free, 

this curse,

feelings of not good enough,

inadequacy, and self-consciousness,

scared and shy, 

to take the stage, 

and follow her heart. 

Dreams of being able, 

to sing from her heart and soul, 

and to dance with the passion that burns inside, 

To feel beautiful, 

to see her beauty, 

her talents, 

and all that she is,

except in her own eyes, 

To stand there, in the mirror, 

and finally, see her personality, 

the raw beauty inside, 

shine through.

The latest “Twisted Tale” in my journey called life; Surgery coming up fast!!!!

so the latest on my back: I saw dr. Kelly today. He is very optimistic. His plan is if my rods aren’t infected (we did labs), he says he will just open the incision scar where my rods are broken at, clean up my wound, and add in some “dominoes” and add in some extender rods.” It will be “Simple and sweet,” as he put it. 

:p The date is the same, August 14, but I need to be here by the 12th because I need to go to get my central line valve put in on the 13th. If he does what he wants, “simple and sweet,” he doesn’t think I will have as many complications like I did last time bc last time I had broken ribs and pneumonia from that which led to trach, blah blah blah…the framework already there, this is just some maintenance repair! LMAO. 
But whatever God’s will, will be done. 

Share my go fund me please!!! https://www.gofundme.com/jamie-has-broken-rods-and-other-problems-occurring

A pretty great Sunday :)

I woke up with a minor migraine, but no level 10 pain today in my back- could’ve been that I knew Mom was bringing my sweet Beignet (my mixed-breed rescue dog) for a visit; ever since finding out about my broken rods, she’s been living with Mom due to my not being able to hold her leash for walks. Mom dropped her off around 10:30 a.m. (Mom went to Mass). 

Mom came back from Mass at about Noon and asked what David and I were doing for lunch. I said, “we have leftovers, but it didn’t sit well on my stomach.” Mom asked “what do you want to do,” to which I replied, “I know I always say it’s blasphemy to have Deano’s pizza without Dad, but…” Mom laughed and replied, “but you want it?” To which I nodded my head. She got a giant 3-type pizza like we normally do and it was delicious! She then left to go get things from my Uncle and Aunt’s house and was going to come back afterward to pick Beignet up to go home (She came back at around 4ish.) 

I got to spend about half the day with my sweet Beignet 🙂 We snuggled, practiced some commands, played with her toys, all 3 of us took a walk (David, Beignet, and I- David held the leash). Was a great visit with her, and I was ready to see her off at 4ish because I wanted a nap (didn’t want her to leave, but I knew she was gonna leave anyway- so I wanted to treasure the time I had with her). 

While Beignet was here, I had very minimal pain, but it must’ve been a distraction or something because a half hour after she left, I had to take my pain medication because it hurt really bad again. *Sigh* 

At least half of my day was good and sunshiny, that is better than nothing at all 🙂  

Medical Headache, incompetence, and idiotic rules

As you all are aware by now, yesterday I went to Vidalia for a pain management appointment and found out that I have Osteoporosis forming. Today, I called my Surgeon in St Louis, Missouri, to find out if it would affect my surgery.

Missouri office: Can they fax it to the results to us?

Me: I’ll call and ask.

Vidalia office: we need a release, however, we can send the results to your referring doctor.

Me: Okay.

Referring Dr office: Oh, we can’t fax other doctors’ records.

*Facepalms* This is why the medical field and disabilities suck. Can’t get help, what so ever. You are a freaking Dr. Office, do your job!

I called the St Louis office back and explained the situation and they are going to call Vidalia and see if there is something they can do.

Latest “Twist” in my life- Developing Osteoporosis

Today I had my monthly appointment with pain management doctor in Vidalia, Louisiana. At my last appointment, they did a bone density test; today they went over the results and it turns out I am developing Osteoporosis.  They did not say where it was developing and I was too in shock to ask. I have it written down for next month’s appointment. The doctors are starting me on Fosamax to increase my bone density and hopefully help to where I am not as “brittle” for surgery time in August. 

In other news, we have my fiance’s niece for a couple days at the apartment. 🙂 she is always a pretty good distraction for my pain. Tonight, we made tacos for supper 🙂 Another good bit of news is my fiance and I  will start praying the rosary together every night and gonna start going back to church on sundays  #RelationshipsWithGodlastLonger 🙂 

Please help out! Go Fund Me Page

please share and pass around on all social media platforms. My surgery in August is coming up fast! Preop is July 16!  Thanks.

https://www.gofundme.com/jamie-has-broken-rods-and-other-problems-occurring

Much appreciated, Thank you!!! 

one of those days…Update on A/c Leak.

Maintenance came out to fix the A/c issue, but the water soaked some of the bedroom carpets and even into the closet on David’s side. The maintenance people had us move stuff out of David’s side of the closet, and are gonna blow-dry the carpet and spray some type of chemical to prevent molding. 

I don’t know what God is trying to tell us/teach us, but, I could’ve really done without the moving stuff around workout today when I was already hurting, but oh well, That is life. It isn’t always as we expect/plan. 

I hope and pray that they are able to fix it to the point of no molding, and we are able to get our deposit back when we move out of the apartments.