peeks into my life dealing with everyday life and obstacles as well as obstacles of dealing with disabilities and accessibility obstacles, Chronic Pain due to broken spinal rods, living on pain medications, dealing with anxiety/depression, experiencing the newness of love, and fighting for my right to live and love my life in an ableist society.
Red heart,
Symbol of love,
Fitting together
Like pieces of a puzzle.
Love,
Community, people, socialization
Family, friends, significant others,
Neighbors, simple strangers on the street.
People equal love and happiness,
Loneliness equals sadness, depression,
No heart equals no love,
Overwhelming dark black hole,
Sucking away any chance of happiness.
I legit have the best mom, hands down. She gave up some of the time she could be doing stuff for Heather’s baby shower to calm my anxieties and took me to wound care. Good news, it’s not an infection, it’s just a little red and that is “common when healing,” and I just need to “try to keep it covered as much as possible to keep infections out.”
She then asked if I had anything to eat at my apartment, which I did, but I told her “yes, but I am so tired of leftovers.”
Her: “Well, what are you hungry for? Sonic? Burger King? McDonald’s? Taco Bell?”
Me: “Taco Bell”
Her (continues listing, which was a mistake): Chick Fil A
Me: Oh my goodness, yes! My weakness! Chick Fil A!
Her: oh my! What about your stomach?
me: I am hurting in my back which means I don’t give a flying flip about my stomach’s issues. when I hurt, I eat junk. its my comfort.
her: Okay.
(so yes, she got me Chick Fil A nugget meal).
Then we went to Target, she needed some things for Heather’s baby shower, but didn’t find anything of what she wanted.
Her: Need anything before we leave?
Me: Well, I’d like some snacks so I am not stuck eating creamy peanut butter out of the jar till my food stamps come in.
Her: Like what?
Me: Just some popcorn, a thing of chips, some real coke cola and not the no-name brand cheapo one me and David been getting at Fred’s, some fruit roll ups, and some type of cookies.
Her: okay. I’ll get that for you.
So I legit have the best Mom in the world! and a great Dad who works hard to pay for it 😛 ❤ #Blessed
anyway, I am home now, and going try to rest despite my back aching.
Ever since I can remember, probably once it really (I mean really) “clicked” in my brain that I was different from everyone else, I always thought I’d never date, less become engaged and eventually marry someone.
I always saw these girls in magazines or my peers who were into makeup and fashion and here I was just struggling to look presentable but still comfy. I always saw the girls with bigger boobs, or nicer ass etc got the guys. That was their “dream girl” or so I thought and I thought if that was their dream, then I must be their “nightmare” cause I didn’t look like that.
As I got older, I kind of just gave up on guys, I had gotten hurt too many times and wasn’t gonna put myself out there to be hurt again; figured I’d be “flying solo” the rest of my life…then after my surgery, I joined an online dating site at my mom’s suggestion, and met a boy with Spina bifida. He brought out something in me that relit the fire of wanting love, wanting to be loved and accepted, and I figured if anyone understood my struggles, it’d be someone with a disability also. Sadly, however, that story ended after 3 years, the fire dimmed and was barely sparks anymore and I was constantly nagging him. I didn’t want to be a “mom” I Wanted to be a girlfriend.
I put myself back out on the dating sites and got a few “hits” saying “hey beautiful” and my comeback was always ‘you must be blind,” “are you being sarcastic?,” or “you need your eyes or maybe your brain checked out.” because I didn’t see myself as “beautiful.” Then enters this older guy by 6 years or so, the same line of “hey beautiful,” my same remarks of doubt, however, he persists and persists and persists; talking every day, wanted to meet publicly. so we did. we began dating October 24, 2017.
we had fun: productions at Opelousas Little Theatre, eating out, playing bowling on Wii or monopoly on the Xbox, taking his niece places, doing a gingerbread house, putting up Christmas village, oh the list could go on and on!
Sure he pesters me and likes to cuddle more than my ex, and I am not used to it and I push him away, but I do love him and like spending time with him, but I wish he’d understand I need my alone time too.
This Christmas he proposed to me! So now we are fiances’ It is so weird but wonderful at the same time!!
Jamie's Twisted Journey 