Ever since I can remember, probably once it really (I mean really) “clicked” in my brain that I was different from everyone else, I always thought I’d never date, less become engaged and eventually marry someone.
I always saw these girls in magazines or my peers who were into makeup and fashion and here I was just struggling to look presentable but still comfy. I always saw the girls with bigger boobs, or nicer ass etc got the guys. That was their “dream girl” or so I thought and I thought if that was their dream, then I must be their “nightmare” cause I didn’t look like that.
As I got older, I kind of just gave up on guys, I had gotten hurt too many times and wasn’t gonna put myself out there to be hurt again; figured I’d be “flying solo” the rest of my life…then after my surgery, I joined an online dating site at my mom’s suggestion, and met a boy with Spina bifida. He brought out something in me that relit the fire of wanting love, wanting to be loved and accepted, and I figured if anyone understood my struggles, it’d be someone with a disability also. Sadly, however, that story ended after 3 years, the fire dimmed and was barely sparks anymore and I was constantly nagging him. I didn’t want to be a “mom” I Wanted to be a girlfriend.
I put myself back out on the dating sites and got a few “hits” saying “hey beautiful” and my comeback was always ‘you must be blind,” “are you being sarcastic?,” or “you need your eyes or maybe your brain checked out.” because I didn’t see myself as “beautiful.” Then enters this older guy by 6 years or so, the same line of “hey beautiful,” my same remarks of doubt, however, he persists and persists and persists; talking every day, wanted to meet publicly. so we did. we began dating October 24, 2017.
we had fun: productions at Opelousas Little Theatre, eating out, playing bowling on Wii or monopoly on the Xbox, taking his niece places, doing a gingerbread house, putting up Christmas village, oh the list could go on and on!
Sure he pesters me and likes to cuddle more than my ex, and I am not used to it and I push him away, but I do love him and like spending time with him, but I wish he’d understand I need my alone time too.
This Christmas he proposed to me! So now we are fiances’ It is so weird but wonderful at the same time!!