Chocolate Cake for Breakfast and Chronic Pain

Just ate #ChocolateCake for #Breakfast. Now I feel sick. Sugar distracts my #ChronicPain so I can go longer without #PainMeds but its not healthy and I have a risk for #Diabetes since my #Grandmother had it. Hopefully I don’t develop it before I have back surgery to fix my rods and my #ChronicPain.

I am tired of living a life of decisions; pain meds or risking diabetes, Fun and going out or cabin fever and bed but no pain, etc. It isn’t much of a life. Soon, Jamie, Soon!

Found out more news on my grandmother. :'( Really not good.

A knot formed in the pit of my stomach. I know when hospice is called in, it is bad, but this just tore me up to the point where I am now debating whether I even want to go see her before she passes. I was talking to mom earlier today, talking about how if I could, I would have my wedding now so “Mommee” could be there for it, and she told me, “you haven’t seen her; she cannot open her eyes or communicate.” 

I remember when I went to see my other grandma on the day before she died; sedated, unresponsive, eyes closed, her tongue had a greenish pale color to it, I knew she wasn’t doing good and had a gut feeling that she wouldn’t make it. However, instead of remembering just the good times when she looked happy and healthy, a lot of times, that was the image that haunted me even after her passing. I don’t know if I can handle going through that again. 

At the same time, I don’t want any “regrets.” So I am so conflicted right now 😦 I wish this wasn’t happening. 

The last week-Stomach problems-May 2019

The last week or so, I been having stomach problems. First, my fiance’ niece was over here and any change in routine and my stomach routine goes out of wack (constipation). I was hurting more in my back and hips, lots of belching, bloating, nausea, decreased appetite, and gas; so I thought maybe it was due to constipation, however, once I did get back on my bathroom routine, I still had problems continue.

when I am hungry, I get nauseated, and once I eat, it chills out for a little while, unless I overeat, and then nausea comes back. I still have decreased appetite, craving more sweets, still belching a lot, still got a lot of bloating and gas, and at least my pain in my back and hips has returned to its normal-pain levels.

Yesterday and Today, it was BBQ lunch I had yesterday and then I also had red velvet cake today, so my stomach is really hurting and gurgling 😥

August cannot come fast enough. I think that is a lot of my issues- the broken rods, my Kyphosis getting worse again, putting pressure on my tummy. 😦