latest on my grandmother; it a little improvement :)

Today I got a text from Mom in concern with my grandmother, my “Mommie.” She told me, ” Catholic daughters went pray rosary at hospital for mommie this morning. She opened her eyes, recognized them & even prayed some of the rosary with them. They moved her back to the nursing home this afternoon “

At least she is opening her eyes, recognized them, and even prayed some of the rosary with them.” We aren’t out of the woods yet, so prayers for our family is still appreciated. Thanks.

Found out more news on my grandmother. :'( Really not good.

A knot formed in the pit of my stomach. I know when hospice is called in, it is bad, but this just tore me up to the point where I am now debating whether I even want to go see her before she passes. I was talking to mom earlier today, talking about how if I could, I would have my wedding now so “Mommee” could be there for it, and she told me, “you haven’t seen her; she cannot open her eyes or communicate.” 

I remember when I went to see my other grandma on the day before she died; sedated, unresponsive, eyes closed, her tongue had a greenish pale color to it, I knew she wasn’t doing good and had a gut feeling that she wouldn’t make it. However, instead of remembering just the good times when she looked happy and healthy, a lot of times, that was the image that haunted me even after her passing. I don’t know if I can handle going through that again. 

At the same time, I don’t want any “regrets.” So I am so conflicted right now 😦 I wish this wasn’t happening. 

Got the most devastating news today-May 2019

Just 11 days before my grandma’s birthday, my fiance’ had a missed call from my mom this morning so I called her back; she wanted him to tell me that my grandma(mommee) is in the hospital and it wasn’t looking good, that her kidneys were failing and they were debating on dialysis. Just wanting me to “prepare for the worst.”

My “Mommee” is my last remaining grandparent and after she passes, I will basically be a “grandparent orphan.” Never will she get to see me walk down the aisle for my wedding(which is a year away), never will she be able to see me become a parent, never will she be able to see me finish school and chase my dreams, or any other things I had dreamed about her seeing for my future.

I love you, Mommee. Please recover from this, but I also know that if you do pass, it is God’s will and you will be in a better place. No longer suffering with the dementia, confusion, and pains of this world; only the loved ones left behind are the ones who mourn and grieve the loss. ❤

Love