Depression..The silent killer.

It’s officially December and I am not in the Christmas spirit like usual. Usually, I would be going all out with decorations and such, but not this year- maybe lights and that’s it. Due to moving in Jan. We don’t want to have to haul extra stuff than what is needed. Plus, it will be the first Christmas without Mommie, Mr. Mike James, my cousin Racheal Mary Meche, Ms. Nancy Moticka

It has been too much death in one year; not to mention all the other I care about who isn’t around anymore either- My other grandmother (maw), and then one of the most influential women in my life, Mrs. Evelyn Zehner, “Mrs. Z” from Camp we can do. It’s just so hard… I know there are worse people off, but for some reason I just cannot get into the spirit yet this year. Is it because of not decorating much this year, the financial stresses and having to ask mom to loan money for us to buy Christmas gifts until David can find a job? I don’t know. Just tired of always being miserable. I can’t remember the last time I was sincerely happy for more than a few hours.

😥 I don’t know, I just been depressed all day today. Hopefully, I can get out of this funk. Prayers appreciated. I hate it when I get depression.

Wedding plan update…still gonna get married..

There’s been a mutual decision between David Piazza and I after all of us discussing things over with Mom, to push the wedding back another year. So it’ll be may 2021.. we haven’t gotten much done as far as planning and in Catholics churches, need to let church priests know 6 months ahead of event.. That’d be next month, plus we’ll be moving into my parents’ house the beginning of 2020. Plus this way, I’ll be over a year post-op and better able to plan and enjoy it. Sorry for any disappointments but tis life ❤️❤️❤️🤷 we feel this will be better in long run.

Place in the world Poem

At a fork,

 unsure which way to go,

which path to take,

 where is my place?

 The Mark that I will make,

 to leave my name on this planet Earth, 

What road do I travel? 

Where will Life’s journey send me?

stuck at the fork,

 indecisions and unsure feelings,

obstacles and road blocks,

refusing my passage,

another mountain to climb,

another challenge to conquer,

How do i choose?

How do I Find my place?

My place, my mark on the world,

 the legacy I will leave behind,

 How do I find it,

in such a huge huge world, filled with endless choices,

 but physical limitations, that and fear,

preventing me,blocking me,

not trusting and believing in myself,

 blame lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence,

but I’m just a small girl,in a huge huge world.

 One day, I’ll grow,

let go of the fear and obstacles holding me back,

I’ll figure it out,

one day at a time, 

learning and growing each day,

 blossoming, and  blooming into a young lady,

I’ll find my way one day,

and have my found my place in the world.

What is Normalcy?

What is normalcy?  Normality is the condition of being normal; the state of being usual, typical, or expected, but what is “normal”? The definition of Normal can be defined as conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.  As humans, especially around the ages of adolescence, all the way up to adulthood, we seek to be accepted; to be “normal,” but who are we to decide what is and isn’t normal?

                If someone is different than us: whether it be in beliefs, religions, color of skin, sexuality, behaviors, physical appearances, etc., we make judgments and assumptions. Due to culture or who we grow up around, sometimes if we see a male with black skin, we assume they are dangerous.  If a child acts up in the store, we assume they need butt-whooping and are lacking discipline, when really there could be underlying issues such as Autism or some other mental disability. If an Autistic child has a sudden “spasm” of energy and bounces around, we judge it as “weird,” or “funny,” and often times our teenage “normal” children mock and make fun of such behaviors.  If we know someone is homosexual or “gay,” we automatically think/judge that those people are “going to hell,” due to religions’ teachings.  We think “our way” is the right way and all or any other ways are all wrong, but God made us all different with different talents and gifts, shouldn’t our differences be celebrated instead of us being crucified and stoned to death for them?  No Matter the differences, we are all human and we all bleed the same. Who are we to Judge others, when we as humans, all have sins and “Skeletons in our closets”? We are not God, even if you don’t believe in him, we have no right to judge others when we have our own faults. Why can’t there be more love in the world and less hate, bullying, and ill-will towards others; like the Black- Eyed Peas’ song, “Where Is the Love?” We as a species need to learn to “drop the arms” and learn to hug it out instead, or we will end up fighting ourselves into extinction.  I, for one, refuse to be “Normal,” I want to be Abnormal.