peeks into my life dealing with everyday life and obstacles as well as obstacles of dealing with disabilities and accessibility obstacles, Chronic Pain due to broken spinal rods, living on pain medications, dealing with anxiety/depression, experiencing the newness of love, and fighting for my right to live and love my life in an ableist society.
So yesterday, May 5, I officially turned 30 years old! Gosh how am I already 30?! time flies!
We really didn’t do much to celebrate it. The weather was rather ugly outside, my mom’s knee was bugging her, Bae (David) was working, etc. My parents got a sign and a banner to put in the front yard, Bae (David) came after work, Dad made one of my favorite meals (it’s called “greasy chicken”- basically a chicken in a gravy type thing..It is really good and yummy!)
Earlier in the week, Mom and Dad had invested in a really fancy office chair for me since I do a lot of computer stuff and sitting at a desk; it was highly recommended for people with Scoliosis and back problems for good posture. They also got me some Fine-Tip ink pens in various colors since I do a lot of journaling and note-taking while doing my daily religious readings and such. Those surprises were before my birthday: For my birthday, They invested in a Cricut Explore Air 2 in my birthstone color: Emerald! The day before my birthday, one of my best friends, one I been friends with since we were in preschool together, came to drop off a 30 wine glass and a “cheers to 30 years” purple shirt for me to wear on my birthday (which I did wear, and it’s the shirt I am photographed in the slideshow video down below).
Today, May 6, Mom was feeling better so she made up the fact she couldn’t make me a special birthday breakfast by going to Waffle House while I was asleep and ordering what we usually split together- The all-star breakfast: Pecan Waffle, Country Ham, Hashbrowns, etc. and brought it home for me! I am so spoiled, but I am the youngest child and I have had a rough life, so I deserve a little spoiling every now and then LMAO!
This weekend, our local performing theatre is doing a talent show- so we will go to that, maybe go do a little shopping and go get my “birthday freebies,” from stores and stuff I have rewards memberships with. Don’t know, Time will tell what we actually do; Having disabilities kill my stamina levels so I gotta just see how I am feeling and “play by ear,” but oh how I wish I could “be Normal,” and have normal stamina levels and such, but eh, Tis my life- can’t change it so might as well accept it. *shrugs*
But anyway, Overwell, it was a pretty good birthday. 🙂
I do not know what happened today, but early this evening, I fell. I am assuming I tripped over a thing of bottle waters, but I am not exactly sure what happened; it all happened so fast! I know that all day I been feeling pretty tired, weak, dizzy, lightheaded; kind of day-dreamy. Research shows that it could be a Ehlers Danlos thing: POTS or Dissociate, Brain Fog, or dysautonomia, or it could just be the fact its “that time of month.” Who knows, its a mystery. I am not even sure what way I landed or anything. I think I fell on my side, but I cant remember for sure.
I do not hurt right now, but I will probably feel it tomorrow. I just hope I haven’t done anymore damage to my rods than they already are. If the pain shows up and lasts, I will do x-rays and send them off to Dr. Kelly in St Louis.
For now, I just got a lecture from Mom about being more careful and to “use my walker,” and “let go of my pride,” blah blah blah. It isn’t a pride thing Mom. it’s just hard to remember to use that thing when most of the time I do not need to use it. I do not mind my cane, walker, or wheelchair, but most of the time I am fine, so I do not think to use them when I feel weak. I will have to figure out a way to remind myself I guess. I just wish I knew why I was having these falling spells?? This is my second one, first one was back in August. Is it because of “that time of month,” or something more serious? Is it because I am not being cautious enough? Its a mystery..One I will have to figure out before I end up living in a plastic bubble because I am such a klutz. Ugh!
I got a email from the Mychart app from my Infections dr; Dr. Mejia. He got my bloodwork results in from Quest diagnostics in Lafayette, LA. Good news, I am negative for infection (meaning, no more infection in my body) according to the bloodwork.
Bad news, he still insists on the plan of antibiotics being a life-long thing; due to the “complexity of the infection,” whatever the heck that means.
To say, I am disappointed and upset is an understatement. This makes 2 years that my labs show I am infection free. I had hopes that I could eventually get off the antibiotics. I am not even 30 years old yet, and the idea of life-long antibiotics; God willing I live to a ripe old age, that would be 60+ years of antibiotics!
yes, it times like these it is hard to see the light and positivity of my life, but I cannot loose my faith and Hope in God my lord and savior. He is good and all powerful, he is all knowing and can perform wonderous miracles. He is the only one who knows how my story will go. Be gone, Satan, quit tormenting me with emotional meltdowns and sorrow. I will try to look to God and find peace in his love and warm embrace.
My brother and I’s relationship has gone back as far as to when I was in the womb. Mom often wrote that my brother would tell her, “It’s a girl because all she wants is junk.” Mom ate just healthy foods when she was pregnant with my brother, whereas, for me, it was just junk food. Another interesting fact is that my brother is the one who picked, “Jamie,” for my name; Mom and Dad wanted a “J” name, who knows how he picked it: maybe it was because Dad’s middle name was James, or maybe he just liked the name.
Once I was born, he often spent time with me. There are pictures of him holding me, or sitting with me in the rocker under some covers. When I was 2 years old, he’d follow me around with the video camera and video me; it’s one of my favorite videos even though the camera shook and watching it, can make you sick from all the motion because it shows he loved and interacted with me. I gave him the nickname “boy” when I began talking; my uncle/ Paran would call him that, and I picked up the habit. When I was 2, I’d beg him to read with me and he would sometimes. Our relationship started to get strained when I was in pre-k because he started to become a pre-teen/teenager.
When I was 5, I would sit at the front door like an eager puppy, waiting for him to get off the bus. I’d jump around excited, “bubba’s home! Bubba’s home!” Would he pay me any mind once he got home? Nope. He’d walk past me, annoyed from school, go to his room and slam the door. He was in Jr. High at the time and Mom says, she wouldn’t interact with him much except to make sure he was still alive, and to let him know the food was ready.
When you are a younger sibling, you often tend to look up and emulate/try to imitate your older siblings, out of the feelings of “that is how I need to act, just like____ ((whatever the name may be). For me, when I tried to do things my older brother, Jared, did, it often got me into trouble; examples of this include the time I nearly drowned at Blue Bayou Water Park in the wave pool and another time when I was crossing the highway we live on, to head home from the neighborhood across the street from where we lived.
I was about 5 years old, and every summer one of the highlights was to go to Blue Bayou Water Park with my Aunt (one of Mom’s sisters-in-law) and her children. At the time I had not taken swimming lessons yet, so I stayed in the shallow ends of the wave pool, or went in the kiddie pool. We were in the wave pools and the waves had not started yet; my Brother had come to meet us and right before the waves started up again, he was heading out to the deeper parts; At the time, I admired and looked up to my older brother, and tried to follow him. I was crawling on my hands and knees into the deeper and deeper (but still in the shallow part) of the wave pool; the waves started and knocked me over, and I started to panic, so I didn’t even think to stand up and run back to mom. I just stayed under the water, coughing and spitting up water, waving my arms. Mom ran over and “rescued” me. I think it was this incident that convinced mom to get me into swimming lessons. The pool and water soon became a big part of therapy for me and I love to swim now; I am convinced I am part mermaid. I want to be able to breathe underwater, swim with dolphins; I want to be just like “Ariel,” the little mermaid.
The other incident was when I nearly got hit on the highway we live on. My Brother, his friend, my mom, and I were across the highway in the neighborhood, riding bikes (I had training wheels on mine). The sun was starting to set, and the mosquitos were coming out and biting me. My brother and his friend were old enough to cross the highway by themselves, so they told mom and began to leave. Mom was talking and visiting with one of the neighbors, kind of distracted; I kept tugging on her arm, ready to go, but she wasn’t listening. That is when I saw my brother and his friend leaving, so I followed them; His friend noticed and started to lag to watch me. My brother looked both ways and crossed the highway, with me behind him. I, however, was too young to know the whole “look both ways before crossing,” rule, and started right behind my brother, just as a huge 18 wheeler started towards me, really fast. Luckily, my brother’s friend was behind me. He grabbed me out of the road just in time. Dad was in the front yard, and he looked like he was about to have a stroke! I think my brother got in trouble instead of me, but I can’t remember for sure.
I think it was after those two incidents, I learned not to try to imitate my older brother. He was older and knew how to handle life more than a little kindergartener did.
My brother and I did fight and have that sibling rivalry thing, up until I returned from surgery. We had rare moments where we didn’t fight or argue, but we were two different individuals. When I was younger, Jared had chores, while I didn’t; when dad would fuss at Jared to go do chores, occasionally I’d fuss dad and say “quit working Jared like you a slave-driver, dad,” but he’d often tell me “stay out of it, Jamie.” And I quickly shut up.
When we did argue/fight, it was often because I was a hyper little brat; I will admit that. I think it was mostly, I wanted him to play with me, and he wouldn’t. I called him names: “Jar-head, armadillo (I have no idea why,) Boy (that was more when I was a baby/preschooler).” Sometimes, I’d have a “food fight” at him with my tea-party play food. He was a boring teenager who didn’t want to play with his kid sister, and I wanted attention from my big brother; I just sought it annoyingly. He would pull jokes and pranks on me, and I took it the wrong way and would cry. When I was 2 years old, he put a frog in the “golden Easter egg” during an Easter egg hunt, and to this day, I blame that for my phobia of frogs. Sometimes, I would pick/instigate it, and when he’d try to “strike back,” I’d go hide; like the one time in 2nd grade when we had ice/snow, I went outside, got some icicles, and stuck it down the back of his shirt when he wasn’t looking. Afterward, he went outside to get some, I ran to the bathroom and locked the door.
When he had friends over, I’d try to hang out with them, tag along, and sometimes he’d lock me out of his room, or they’d torment me, by locking me in the hallway till I was a crying mess, banging on the doors; sometimes, one friend and him would pretend that they were going to put me in the oven; they wouldn’t actually turn the oven on, just open it and act like they were going to put me in; I’d cling to that friend’s neck and beg “No!”
One time when I was 6 years old, he had to babysit me. I was playing with his Nintendo NES, but he got mad that I had taken it out of his room without permission, so he unplugged it, and put it back into his room. I was easily scared of everything and every villain of every movie, but yet, I watched Anastasia the movie that night and slept on the floor in a sleeping bag in his room. I heard a noise, a voice,“Jamie, go unlock the back door.” It was my parents; it turns out they had locked themselves out. I tried to shake Jared awake, but to no success; I was so scared that it was a bad guy, trying to trick me, but I did go unlock the door and luckily it was my parents; I later found out, my brother was faking sleep just to see what I would do; what a jerk!
As I got into my teen years, he would be annoyed because unlike him, I had no “thirst” for knowledge. He felt I was “ignorant” and that was one of his pet peeves. He’d occasionally try to help me with math or science, but he’d end up confusing me more, and I’d get aggravated and snap at him. Other than that, we didn’t talk or hang out, mostly cause he was in college and I was still young and “ignorant”. The only time I remember him smiling during this time was the one time he got drunk and “creepy”; we had gone to a wedding for a cousin, and then after we went to see a movie: Mom, Dad, my brother, his girlfriend, and me. I don’t know how this happened, but somehow I got this seat between him and his girlfriend; my brother started to hug me, smiling, and ruffle my hair: I wasn’t used to that treatment by my brother, so I looked at his girlfriend and said: “switch seats with me, I think your boyfriend is plotting to kill me.” Another memory around this time was when I was getting curious about my Ehlers Danlose and my brother who always had an interest in science, came to me and held a scalpel and said: “all I need is a skin sample and I can get you your answers.” I looked at him and yelled “I’m not a science project, heck no! I’m not letting you cut me with that thing, get it away from me, weirdo!”
It wasn’t until I guess that I got into college myself, that we started to have a different relationship. When I’d see him, he’d ask me about my classes and how they were going, he’d offer to help me out when I’d hurt with aches, etc. He was there when I met Dr. Lenke for the first time, and he asked questions to Dr. Lenke. When my family did a benefit for my medical funds, he and his girlfriend helped out a lot. I guess what I am saying is, once I got into college myself, and wasn’t as “bratty” and “ignorant” he started to like/tolerate me, but it wasn’t until I got home from my St Louis journey, that our relationship got to what it is now; When I first got home, I had gotten a new computer and he was helping set it up. He had me sit next to him to watch, but he would ruffle my hair, and just smile at me; it’s like “uh…weren’t you suppose to ruffle my hair like that when I was 5?” Now when we see each other, we give hugs, no kisses because that’d just be too odd. He asks about how things are going in my life. I ask about his occasionally. We have a good relationship now, it was odd at first because I was so used to the tension, but I love it now. I know when I need it, my big brother will always have my back; Love you, Bro.
My fiance, David did a video to post on social media using his Cutco products starter kit to demonstrate the ease and simplicity and high quality of Cutco Products. Check out the video, then go on over to his store and order something with him today! 5-star quality, American Made!
In the video below: My fiance demonstrates the ease and usefulness of two of Cutco’s products- The Trimmer knife and The potato Peeler