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Fortitude and what it means in my life

over the last couple of years,
I use the word fortitude a lot. I will tell yall why:

Back in 2017 I had subbed for my mom’s CCD class and they were learning about the virtues and the one for that week was fortitude- doing it in fear. It was my first time doing the CCD class by myself so I was nervous- nervous the kids would try to take advantage or not-take me seriously. Which it went fine.

The next day– I had been on an online dating site and got a message from someone who would now be my fiance. asking to go on a date. Again, I was nervous and scared. But again Mom reminded me of the virtue of fortitude -doing it in fear. (and yes we did go on a date, public – La Hacienda.)

So now anytime I do something outside my comfort zone and I’m nervous as heck–what word rings in my mind. Fortitude. And if it doesn’t on its own, Mom is right there to remind me of the word.

The latest thing I have had to do with fortitude is I started public speaking. Now don’t get me wrong, there have been times I have had to public speak before learning about fortitude. Even though I was nervous about it, opportunities continually pop up as if it is like God saying “HELLO THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.”

In the past, before learning about fortitude, I would still do the things but I didn’t know what “doing it in fear and nervous” was as far as virtues, and after the events I did, I never pursued or looked at public speaking as a career, further.


The first time I ever did any type of public speaking was in college for my Communications class- I made C’s because of nerves and read off my cards too much.

The next time was when I was asked to do what’s called “familiarity visits” with patients coming into Shriners for Halo traction- while I was in halo traction. Familiarity visits are telling the incoming patient what to expect: pain-wise, the routine during the week, how to do “pin care,” etc. That was easy because it was just like chit-chatting with peers; was I still nervous? yes! I worried I’d forget something important to mention or something, but still, I did it.

Another public speaking opportunity while in Shriners hospital during the time I was in halo traction was when the Respiratory Department Director asked the different patients to come to say a few words at the conference about how Shriners Hospital, the Halo traction, and especially the respiratory department affected us and helped us. I was nervous and with no filter, I told everyone there about my first weeks in traction and how I compared the respiratory department director to “Hitler of Respiratory” and the consequences once word had gotten back to her about me saying that! I had the entire room in giggle fits. The director and I may have had a rough start, but now we are best buds, and it’s our inside joke now.

In 2013, one summer while my godson was down from Texas, I happened to be wearing a tank top and he saw my scar sticking out from under my straps; he then proceeded to play “20 million questions” and I answered most of them until I got tired of answering and said “okay, that’s enough. go play, you’re giving nanny a headache!”

In 2015, one of my cousins at 4 years old noticed my spine sticking out during family Christmas eve and he was sitting behind me. I feel him feeling at my spine that was sticking out (The hump) and then suddenly feel him starting to punch it. His mom freaks out “_ Don’t hit jamie!” to which baby boy replied tearfully “I’m trying to push her back back in!” So that Christmas, he got the gift of learning about Scoliosis and why “cousin Jamie’s back sticks out.”

Also in 2015, I “tested the waters” of my comfort zone when LSU-Eunice hosted a talent show, where I read an original poem titled “Don’t judge by disabilities” and got a standing ovation as well as many compliments in the halls the following week. I was so proud that I had conquered my stage fright and even placed 3rd, which I don’t blame them poetry is nice, but music always wins!

Years passed and in 2021, I was a guest blogger on someone I only know online @Ami Ireland who has a blog “Undercover Superheroes” and talked about my disabilities there and it was posted in May 2021.

Now we are in 2022, and more opportunities have popped up without even really trying to get them. In March, I went to a church function and the CCD director’s granddaughter who I taught in kindergarten for VBS had finally noticed my back and how I was shorter than many adults, and she asked questions, so I explained as best I could at a 2nd-grade level and showed her pictures, she was shocked and just hugged me “Miss Jamie I had no idea. I remember you were always smiling for VBS and you spoiled our class!”

Next came when I was talking with Guns down Power up founder and director, Eric Williams. He had mentioned he was in special ed and had mental problems or something and I messaged asking if he minded talking about what disabilities/ why he was in sp-ed. I told him I had physical disabilities, and thus he asked if I minded coming to talk about my disabilities at his program. Which will take place on May 28, 2022, at Opelousas Police Department from 11 a.m.- 3 p.m.

From there, I was just talking to another program founder, the founder of BullyBox A passion Project to combat bullying in schools and such, Ms. Shauna Sias and she asked me to go on her and her co-host Nina Irving Williams Podcast/Live TV Livestream thing on Weds nights (Which Mine was April 13- I attached my segment of the show on my Youtube.)

So God keeps giving me Opportunities and in the past, it was just “one and done” but lately they have been more frequent, so maybe it’s time to come out of the shadows and do this more. These opportunities could open more doors as I have lots of passions and ideas but don’t know who to talk to or how to implement them. Who knows what God has in store around the corner for me?

God is good all the time. Sometimes we got to practice fortitude- doing it in fear!

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Life Update: Resuming College, Registering Fall 2021 classes

Based on my current stamina level, I decided to only resume college part-time: 9 credit hours-3 classes scheduled: I will be taking Eng359:Advanced English writing for social sciences class (Monday and Wed. 1-2:15 p.m.), Socio364: Juvenile Delinquency (Because I feel like that would be interesting- on Mon, Wed., and Friday 10 a.m.-10:50 a.m.), and CMCN307: Communication in leadership class (online). I still have many many many choices in classes I want to eventually take but they were either full or not available this semester. I am just so eager to start back in the fall and I hope I don’t get burnt out, able to keep up and try my best and get something out of these classes 🙂 I’m very optimistic and I think I chose some pretty good classes. Let’s see how long that optimism stays. 😛 haha.

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Life Update: Fall 2021 Resuming College, Close to Bachelors Degree!!!!

What girl is resuming college in the fall semester and only 28 credits from bachelor’s degree in general studies with a concentration in behavioral studies…? 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ this girl, right here! Woot woot.

However, being I have 28 hours left: All I have left is an Advanced English writing class, some general electives, and enrichment (concentration) classes. While I think if I do 2 semesters of full time-each one will be about 15 credit hours, (which is about 5 classes if its a 3-day class)- more if its a 2-day class.) that will be 2 extra credit hours in the end run, but then I will be done by end of next spring if I am able to keep my grades up.

However, I been out for a while and I get stressed and overwhelmed easily, so maybe Instead of setting myself up to fail and burned out, I only do a few part-time, even though I am thinking these will be “Easy” classes.

I don’t know what the workloads entail for these classes. Plus my stamina isn’t great right now. So looking at my energy level now, it’d probably be safest to do part-time in the fall, and then in spring, I can work my way up to more credit hours. (although maybe not, since spring starts in January and that’s still cold…unless it’s mostly online during that time. I don’t know. Time will tell.) Any advice is greatly appreciated. 🙂

Many people on my Facebook suggested only taking 1-2 other classes besides the advanced writing class because for most people, advanced writing classes take up a lot of time.

The next biggest issues while registering for classes:

1.) When going to the course description, some descriptions only say “will have an additional cost,” It doesn’t say anything about what the course is about or the workload expectancy: Like how is a student supposed to figure out if that class is a good fit with another class they are taking? UGH!

2.) Most of the classes I am looking at either is full to capacity, not a good fit with the advanced writing class, and some just aren’t available/an option for this semester.

So right now, the only class I can schedule is advanced writing: Could that be a sign from God? Like “Hello, all you need to take is this one class for right now.” Only time will tell.

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Planning a Q and A video…with mom….Need questions!

I am planning on doing a Q and A type video with mom for my youtube channel sometime this week. Is there anything yall would like to know?

Any questions about raising a child with disabilities?

Any questions about what I was like as a child?

Any questions about me in general?

Her thoughts/ feelings/opinions about raising a child with disabilities?

Her thoughts/feelings/opinions about society now a days? 

Anything…There are no Dumb questions.

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Heart Dr appointment and new medical vocabulary

Today was my cardiovascular appointment with my heart doctor and it seemed like a same-old same old- type appointment; which may be true for the doctor, but for me, as I have never really read over my discharge appointment summaries before really, I was shocked.

For some reason I decided to read my discharge summary papers once I got in the car, and according to the papers I had a few problems I was not aware of. I knew that they had said I had a valve that was being watched, but according to the papers, I have “acquired insufficency of aortic valve”, in addition to “non-rheumatic mitral regurgaitation,” as well as Sinus Tachycardia (I knew I had tachycardia but learned what type). I also have WPW (Wolf Parkinson white syndrome, which I knew about already and had a cardiac radiofrequency ablation for it in 2013.)

I scheduled a Echocardiogram for Jan. 15, 2021 at 7:15 a.m. and will get results on Jan 20, 2021 and will update with results when I get them.

But to see those new medical problems (even if they not new in my medical history, they were new for my discovery) were definitely scary and made me realize I need to maybe pay more attention to my medical information. It is my body, I need to be familiar with it.

Anyway, goodnight all.

Image may contain: text that says 'Problems 1. Acquired insufficiency of aortic valve 2. Non-rheumatic mitral regurgitation 3. Sinus tachycardia 4. WPW (Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome)'
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Very rough Emotional day

technically it started last night. It was a bad pain night and I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up till 2 in the morning before sleep finally overpowered me.

I slept on and off. Woke up to feed the cats, stayed up a bit, went back to bed and slept again. had joint and head pain most of the day.

Then the icing on the “crap cake” of the day-

poor david just witnessed a “Jamie Disability Meltdown” Adventure

it started with him asking me to put mayo and mustard on his bread for his hotdogs while he was microwaving the hotdogs…so I did it my way, on the plate and just spreading it with butterknife.

David: why you don’t hold a bread in one hand and use the knife to spread with the other hand?

Jamie:(a bit sarcastic/snarky) because if I hold it in one hand, it doesn’t hold flat, ill squeeze/bend my hand and then you will have squished bread..

David: you can’t hold your hand flat?
Jamie: (again, snarky/sarcastic) No, I cant. its called Ehlers Danlos..remember..that thing I have that makes my joints loose and weak.

David: come here. I’ll show you.
Jamie: (getting annoyed and flustered because I been living with this 29 years, does this dude seriously not think I’ve tried multiple ways to do things?) No. *voice starting to shake and fists start to clench*

David: come on Jamie, just try my way.
Jamie: (finally breaks down and flood gates open) David, I’ve had this shit 29 years, I’ve tried every way I can think of. This was the easiest way.

David: okay. okay. I wasn’t teasing you. *trying to hug me*

Jamie: I know. But still, if you had something for all your life and parents who taught you to be as independent to the best of your abilities, you think I’d just give up? no. this was the easiest and most accessible way for me.

David: I didn’t know. I only been with you 3 years. calm down. its okay. i still love you, you’re still beautiful. calm down. you gonna give yourself a headache.

Jamie: *sniffles and trying to calm down* I already had one to begin with.

————————–
hey if he wants to be future husband of someone with a disability, he might as well see all the ugly sides too. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ he wasn’t there for the 2012 episodes-poor mom had those episodes and she didn’t trigger them…she was just in the “crossfire” lol

and then later on another incident involving David happened: we tried to make waffles breakfast for dinner but no cooking spray, so tried to use regular cooking oil, but they stuck and didn’t cooperate so I was put back in that “i can’t do nothing right.” Mood.

I hate days like this where my disability and the side-effects of it, feel like the world is closing in around me and I cant breathe. *sigh* just another day. Things will get better. Tomorrow is another day.

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Thoughts of the day

Thoughts of the day…I love all my friends no matter their race, nationality, religion, political beliefs, etc. if you are my friend.(Except if you are racists, ableists- have negative thoughts about disabled people, etc.) We may not always see eye to eye on everything, heck we might even debate some things, but if we are true friends and mature adults, we can still remain true friends through all that- And as long as we respect each others views and don’t try to force our views down each others throats. .) I will always care about my friends even the ones I am not close with anymore. They are still in my memories and my heart, and If anything happens to ANY of my friends, you can bet, I will be there for them and their family. If someone hurts them or worse, I will seek vengeance for them. Hell hath no fury like a “Momma hen” type friend. I hit, kick, claw, and will beat people with a bat to defend my friends and family and singing “Someone gonna get their ass kicked today” LMAO. #UnitedWeStand #DividedWeFall

Some of my best friends are different race or nationality than me and they are some of the best friends I could ever ask for. They love and support me and my dreams no matter what. If anyone was to be racists to them, I’d be so angry and defend them, especially if I was right there and witnessed it- I’d probably get in the offender’s face and tell them off or worse- hit,kick, claw, punch, slap, maybe even beat to a pulp with a baseball bat- But I’d do that for all my friends and family, I am very protective of my loved ones and hate to see them hurt; whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Its 2020, and the world is still in chaos with discrimination and racism, hatred and anger, so much division. We need to come together and make the world a better place for future generations, because right now as much as I want to be a mother, I do not want to bring a child into all this violence, crime, and hatred in the world; Children cant even have childhoods anymore and are forced to grow up too fast in this world. 😦 We must do better for our children and our children’s children and generations to come!

Image may contain: one or more people and phone, text that says 'cricket 37% ALL COPS AREN'T BAD, ALL FRICANAMERICANS AREN'T TUGS, ALL WHITES ARENOT RACIST. IF WE COME TOGETHER AND UNITE AS ONE, WE CAN BE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE. unlock'