Tag: Willpower

Adult, adulthood, Adulting, Chronic illness, Chronicillness, disabilities, disabled, Disableds, discipline, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, EhlersDanlosSyndrome, Kyphosis, Life, medical, parents, Physical Disabilities, Scoliosis, Uncategorized, Zebra, Zebras

Food for thought…..

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Food for thought… I had a diagnosis “Scoliosis “ and “Ehlers Danlos syndrome” since infancy. One pediatrician even told mom “you can just look at her and see she isn’t normal.” In reference to me.. a baby. An innocent little baby. Now my parents had 2 choices in raising me:

-Either prove society wrong and that my life had worth, treat me like they would like my older brother (who is “normal”) and raise me to be independent and self sufficient to the best of my abilities…

or

– and I’ve seen this with some families(not all)..give them a “pass”, no expectations of them, no discipline or correcting them. “Oh they have this diagnosis, they don’t understand “…blah blah blah excuse after excuse. “..no boo, they can understand “right and wrong,” but you just don’t wanna go through the “headache “ and time of teaching them. Or worse, you pity them and feel sorry for them;which will “cripple “ and “handicaps” them more. The world is rough and tough, it will not pity them, they need to be prepared.

My parents were tough but fair. I may not got namebrand clothes or expensive shoes, I didn’t get toys or candy every Time I went into store (unless I had my own allowance or money I saved or special occasion/holidays), I didn’t get cell phone till high school (16),I had some chores to do(whatever I could), I was held accountable for my grades and misbehavior. On the flipside, I never did without food, shelter, clothes, I had toys, I was taken on vacations,but there was lots of love and plenty of memories made. That’s wayyy important.

Life isn’t easy for anyone. But it’s up to that person to decide “do I wanna live like this? (Poverty, struggles, victim mentality “poor me,”) or do I pick myself up by my bootstraps and make better for myself.” Its all about perspectives, confidence, determination,and willpower.

Am I saying there aren’t obstacles in life that cause delays and blocks on your life road? No. Absolutely not. Never would I say that. And I’m not saying not to vent or fight for change. But it’s better to lead by example to be the change you wanna see. Be the spark for change; Be a Leader.

Turn to God’s light and goodness and he will bless you. God bless everyone.

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Decency, Decent Humans, disabilities, disabled, Handicaps, Humanity, Life, medical, Morality, morals, Paypal, Physical Disabilities, Right Choices, society, Tests, Uncategorized

Paypal incidents and moral decisions; The right choice!

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So around 3:15 p.m. on Saturday, March 8, 2020, I received an email from service@paypal.com saying I had gotten $250.00 from a Jeremy Fontenot. I found that strange considering I don’t know any Jeremy Fontenots and when I looked at details the email was addressed to jamiecormier@gmail.com not my Jamie.cormier@gmail.com so why did it go to my gmail? Even stranger, the person wrote “for tickets” in the details for the transaction. What tickets? I wasn’t selling any tickets or anything. I was faced with a moral decision to make..”Do I keep the money even though I know it wasn’t intended for me even though I could really use it?” or “Do I do the right thing, email the person, tell them the mixup and send the money back?” I did what I would want someone to do if it was me, I emailed them and then returned the money to them, even though I really (really, really, really) wanted to keep it. I did however get something out of it; not monitary, but something much better- Pride in myself, and I got a compliment from the individual in an email, “Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind heart in this situation. It could’ve gone in a negative direction, but because of you, it was very nice. This gives me one more example to tell of how there are great people in this world. I hope you have a fantastic day and blessings your way. By the way, I told my cousin that since yall emails are so close, I advised him to change it up a little so this confusion doesn’t happen again. Y’all already have the same name! LOL.” and I emailed back, telling him “LOL, Only difference really is I am female. I’ve been scammed out of money before, so I get it and I’m disabled so I guess I have a lot of empathy I guess, I dont know. Anyway thanks for the compliments. Would I liked $250 ,sure who wouldn’t? But Keeping it wouldn’t be right. Anyway God bless and If you would like to know more about my life and story, I have 2 blog pages and a youtube channel,” and gave him the links to them. He emailed back saying ” I will definitely look at your youtube and read about your story.” So I possibly got a new online follower out of it 🙂

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One Mountain conquered, but life dealt me another summit to excavate.. *Latest Update*

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People often say “The world is a rainbow of different communities spreading love and good, frolocking with others. There are the ones who are the pessimistis who see their world as a never ending burden of turmoil and misery, and then the type that are the “fakers”- The ones who walk around all jolly and happy and wearing a complete “mask” in public. That is me.

I guess you are probably wondering “what is this going on about? The title says ‘One Mountain conquered, but life dealt me another summit to excavate.” What I mean by this is, I had my surgery to fix the broken rods and it was a major success, however during that surgery another issue was discovered; an infection in my rods.

Below are my newest X-rays.

To combat this infection issue, a pic-line was placed in my left arm while I was at Barnes Jewish Hospital in St Louis, Missouri, and put on antibiotics via IV infusions for 6 weeks and then will be switched to an antibiotic pill indefinitely until the doctor sees fit to get me off said antibiotics.

A week after my surgery, on Aug. 21, I was discharged from the hospital to go back to my home in Louisiana so that Medicaid would cover my IV antibiotics; if not, We would’ve had to pay out of pocket for the treatments and it was $120 a treatment (6 weeks of treatments, 2 x a day- so $120 a treatment x2 times a day x7 days x 6 weeks = $10080, and then if we stayed in s Louis but not at the hospital (haven house)= $50 a night x 6 weeks at least = $2100..yeah, I think we made the better decision by coming home…LOL)

Now 2 weeks and 4 days post-op, I awoke to my IV tape rolled up, the pic line area exposed (I am thinking that I was scratching in my sleep). When my fiance went to clean it up and re-tape it, he noticed that the pic line was out more than the doctors like, so we rushed to our local E.R., Lady of Lourdes Hospital. Once there, they were swift about getting me to the back; a nurse, however, decided to remove my pic line from my left arm (which was covered in red splotches due to allergic reaction to the tape) instead of leaving it for the specialist to push it back in. Hours later, the specialist showed up and had to re- stick me for a new pic line in my right arm now, when she said that had the nurse previously not removed it, they could’ve just pushed my other one back in. Now I am back home and my right arm is sore and throbbing because the lidocaine sedative is wearing off and my muscles are aching.

Oh well, I did what I needed to do and I will “grin and bear” this burden I have to deal with for 6 weeks until I can switch to my pill version of antibiotics. I cannot wait for this darn pic line to be out of my arm, but all good things come to those who wait. I will pray for God to grant me patience to deal with it.

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Passion for cooking: today’s meals

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We had nothing left in the fridge and around noon I started to get hungry. I quickly seasoned up some chicken breasts and cut them into bite size pieces, put some oil in the skillet and grilled/sauteed some chicken despite already having planned a meal for supper with chicken- Baked Chicken Parmesan. Oh well. David didn’t complain and both meals came out good. I’ll probably defrost some ground meat to make tacos Tuesday night. 

Now, my joints ache and everything hurts, not just from being on my feet cooking, but also we have some rain predicted for later and that affects my body as well.  Just another average day in my life. 

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another sleepless night; chronic pain and tears.

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A bad storm passed through Louisiana this week so it has been quite a bit of sleepless nights for me lately and then add in the dreaded once a month bullshit us females have to deal with, adding in stress, anxiety, hormones, emotional roller coaster, all that (sarcastic tone) “fun.” Tonight, I tossed and turned for 2 hours while my fiance’ just lays next to me snoring; sure, I could wake him up and make him suffer with me, but that is selfish plus he works to provide for us, so I guess he needs the sleep more than I do, but it sure would be nice to be able to talk these things out instead of blogging them.

I have a mattress that can elevate the head, it helps with migraines and sometimes my upper back (then I gotta deal with my lower back and hips hurting), but tonight my upper back is hurting and I am not even gonna use the head-elevation because lately it has been making my fiance’ back hurt in the morning; which sent me down the dreaded “rabbit hole” of the uncertainty of a future together: What if I become bed-ridden, what if he has to help me with everything more than he does now? That isn’t what he signed on for! It isn’t fair to him. I know he made a commitment to me and he constantly reminds me of it anytime I start crying and freaking out about how much pain I am in and the fears that sends into me about how uncertain my life and future are; I just don’t want him to have regrets or resentments. I love him, I really do, but when these fears kick in, I go into flight mode and tend to push him away, thinking I am saving him from being stuck in a sucky future with me and my damn disability. How can I expect him to accept it and what it does to me, if I cant even accept it completely myself?

If there was a pill created to make me “normal,” like everyone else in society, I would take it! Even though I also feel like having my disability has made me a well-rounded, wise, empathetic, compassionate, supportive, loyal, passionate person. Does it make me a bad person? Why is it I can be a support system and cheerleader for others with disabilities but yet I cant even accept myself completely? Does it make me a hypocrite? Maybe its just the pain talking; well the pain and the damn devil. I need to really work on myself and loving myself for me; whole-y and completely. Maybe after my surgery to fix my rods, maybe my pain will be better, and I can start being happy again. One can only hope.

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Living in the past…just me?

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I can’t be the only person that tends to dwell on the past, can I? okay, maybe not the only disabled person, but maybe I am? I don’t know. I just know, I tend to stay in the past and try to recapture those memories and try to implement them now in the current present; however, it doesn’t always work out.

Childhood was so much simpler; No responsibilities, friendships were easier to make and maintain, I wasn’t in as much pain, my anxiety/OCD/depression wasn’t bad until middle school/High School, I didn’t try to fit in as much, I had a pretty good idea of who Jamie Elizabeth Cormier really was, and of course People I cared about weren’t dying left and right. I had a wonderful childhood and lots of wonderful memories despite having my disabilities; sure, there was the occasional person that mistook me for a “monster” or would just stare/point (the bullying really didn’t start until 4th grade). However, like all children, I took it for granted and couldn’t “wait to grow up so that I could do what I wanted.” Boy, who sold me that fairy tale and can I sue them?

Sure, as an adult, I can do some things I want like staying up all night, going out when I want(as long as I am not in college, not working, don’t have previous plans, have the money to do it, and of course, not hurting.) I can drive (again, as long as I am not hurting and I do have the gas money.) I can drink legally(not a big drinker), buy cigarettes (but I don’t smoke), buy a lotto ticket/scratch-off ticket or go to the casino (if I can afford such luxuries at the time.) But, in the same token as an adult, I also have bills (my choice for moving out with my fiance’), I have to make some tough decisions, I have college courses (my choice) or have to work. I have to handle my own medical stuff (paperwork, phone calls, etc). its a lot of responsibilities that causes my anxiety to go into overload and I end up having emotional meltdowns at least once a week.

However, there is always a silver lining: if I stayed in the past, I wouldn’t have learned important life lessons (through mistakes, my experiences with bullying, fights with friends, failing classes,etc.) I wouldn’t have my friends that I made as I got older (junior high, High School, College, my medical “journey” (st Louis, Missouri.) I wouldn’t have my fiance’ and wouldn’t be planning for a wedding. I wouldn’t have my associates degree in general studies and pursuing my bachelors and then further on to try to better advocate for myself and others with disabilities and special needs- teaching young adults with them to better live independently to the best of their abilities through life skills, modifications, adaptations, job skills, and helping them find jobs they are passionate about instead of just the jobs like Goodwill or Arc. That is my dream and with the right amount of willpower and determination, support from family/friends/and community, any dream can become a reality.